SECTION 25: Hi, and welcome to the first Imaginary Interview. Please, introduce yourself to our audience.
MARIO FANNIN: It's-a me! Mario!!
S25: Haha! Classic, classic. We knew you were a great football player, but I had no idea you had such a great sense of humor.
MF: Ho ho!
S25: Fantastic. So tell us Mario, how has your summer been?
MF: It's-a been-a good. We've-a been spendin a lotta time in-a the weight room. I feel like-a its-a been really productive.
S25: Umm, right. So tell us some about your workout routine. I expect it's a grueling schedule.
MF: It can-a be difficult. I like-a to run in-a the morning. I get outta my apartament, and I like-a to run on-a campus through the "Chilled-a Water Plant" on-a Duncan Drive. You know, right-a by the stadium!
S25: Wait, is that the one with all those big green pipes inside?
MF: Yes! You see, what I like-a to do is...
S25: Ok, I think I see where this is going. Moving on. Tell us what you think of new RB coach Curtis Luper.
MF: I really like-a him. He knows-a how to explain things to me. Like-a for example, he-a tells me to picture a giant-a turtle-like creature who has kidnapped-a my girlfriend standing in-a the endzone, and that-a really helps me to visualize-a my goal.
S25: Ok, Mario, you realize that just because your name is Mario doesn't make you the video game character, right? You're not even Italian.
MF: A-beep a de bop a de!
S25: What does that even mean?
MF: Oh look-a outta the window! A mushroom!
MF: [running out the door, presumably after a mushroom] I'm-a comin-a Peach!
S25: Well... uh... that was certainly an interesting first installment of Imaginary Interviews. Join us next time when our guest will be Defensive End Antonio Coleman.