Friday, July 10, 2009

Imaginary Interview: Mario Fannin

As we've passed the halfway point of summer classes, the attention of my fellow students and I turns toward the approaching football season. With August and fall practice approaching, many of my fellow blAUgers have taken to previewing the season and the team in many ways; game previews, incoming player profiles, etc... We here in Section 25 have decided to use our unique position to provide you, our faithful reader with something you can't find anywhere else; exclusive, personal interviews with coaches and players. Not only will these interviews be informative, interesting, and exclusive, but they will also be complete figments of our imaginations. So without further ado, here is the first in a series of Imaginary Interviews.

SECTION 25: Hi, and welcome to the first Imaginary Interview. Please, introduce yourself to our audience.

MARIO FANNIN: It's-a me! Mario!!

S25: Haha! Classic, classic. We knew you were a great football player, but I had no idea you had such a great sense of humor.

MF: Ho ho!

S25: Fantastic. So tell us Mario, how has your summer been?

MF: It's-a been-a good. We've-a been spendin a lotta time in-a the weight room. I feel like-a its-a been really productive.

S25: Umm, right. So tell us some about your workout routine. I expect it's a grueling schedule.

MF: It can-a be difficult. I like-a to run in-a the morning. I get outta my apartament, and I like-a to run on-a campus through the "Chilled-a Water Plant" on-a Duncan Drive. You know, right-a by the stadium!

S25: Wait, is that the one with all those big green pipes inside?

MF: Yes! You see, what I like-a to do is...

S25: Ok, I think I see where this is going. Moving on. Tell us what you think of new RB coach Curtis Luper.

MF: I really like-a him. He knows-a how to explain things to me. Like-a for example, he-a tells me to picture a giant-a turtle-like creature who has kidnapped-a my girlfriend standing in-a the endzone, and that-a really helps me to visualize-a my goal.

S25: Ok, Mario, you realize that just because your name is Mario doesn't make you the video game character, right? You're not even Italian.

MF: A-beep a de bop a de!

S25: What does that even mean?

MF: Oh look-a outta the window! A mushroom!

S25: Huh?

MF: [running out the door, presumably after a mushroom] I'm-a comin-a Peach!

S25: Well... uh... that was certainly an interesting first installment of Imaginary Interviews. Join us next time when our guest will be Defensive End Antonio Coleman.

No comments:

Post a Comment