Imaginary Interview: Antonio Coleman

"The power! I feel the power!"

SECTION 25: Welcome to another installment of Section 25's series of interviews; informative, fascinating, interesting, fictional, non-existent, imaginary interviews.

Today, we have the pleasure of meeting with Auburn's Senior DE Antonio Coleman. Antonio is second-team pre-season All-SEC, and a noted scholar in areas that are generally reserved for totalitarian dictators. Hi Antonio, good to have you with us today.

ANTONIO COLEMAN: Good evening.

S25: I know you've got a lot on your plate, so we won't take too long. I know you've got to be in Birmingham at SEC Media Days soon. Are you excited about going?

AC: Excited? No. I do not permit myself to become excited. Such emotions jeopardize my abilities to make the cold, calculated decisions that are necessary to destroy my enemies.

S25: Wow, you really do take your job seriously. But I could swear I've seen you celebrating and displaying emotion on the field. How do you explain this:

AC: Chris! Your naivety amuses me. That so-called "emotion" was nothing more than a calculated display of bravado. It is merely a gesture to make known the extent of my abilities. To remind my enemies that I will be victorious. This instills a certain fear into their hearts which is beneficial to my ends.

S25: OK. Is it just me or did some of the happiness just leave the room? Anyway, Auburn is preparing to play against one of the tougher schedules in the nation. Being a senior, you've seen a lot of the tougher venues this conference has to offer. How are you preparing to deal with some of the more intense environments in college football including Neyland, Sanford, and Tiger Stadium?

AC: I have no fear of playing on my enemies' grounds. Allow me to illustrate. Few people know the true reason Auburn did not attend a bowl game this past year. I had become bored with football and sought new enemies. Therefore I decided that I must test my mettle against a new foe, but with a bowl on the schedule, I had not the time. Thus, through cunning means, I arranged the self-destruction of the football team. I then single-handedly started, fought, and won a ground war in Russia... in January.

So no, I do not fear these battlegrounds. In fact, "Death Valley" seems a pleasant place for a vacation. I must look into it.

S25: Well, I certainly feel much better about the outcome of last season now, although I would have thought I'd have heard something about that Russia thing in the news. When we spoke to Mario, he said he really liked playing for the new coaching staff. He seems to have taken the transition very well. How have you handled the transition, and do you enjoy playing under Coach Chizik?

AC: I am disappointed in you, Chris. I would have thought you had learned by now that not only have I handled this transition well, I also, shall we say, helped Mr. Jacobs along in his decision. You are not a quick learner. Perhaps I am treating you too softly and should teach you with a firmer hand in the future?

S25: Uh, no no. Of course not. So you do like Coach Chizik then?

AC: Coach Chizik has proven to be useful to me. But surely by now you've guessed my plan! Surely the genius of it is obvious to you! Coach Chizik will be around long enough to ensure that I am in the right position. And then, when the time is right, his position shall be MINE! BWAHAHAHA!

S25: Well, there you have it, folks! Antonio Coleman's quest for power knows no bounds. It appears he will not stop until he has the Auburn Football team under his command. If that ever happens, God help us. God help us all.

Join us next time for a joint interview with Kodi Burns and Neil Caudle.

Imaginary Interview: Mario Fannin

As we've passed the halfway point of summer classes, the attention of my fellow students and I turns toward the approaching football season. With August and fall practice approaching, many of my fellow blAUgers have taken to previewing the season and the team in many ways; game previews, incoming player profiles, etc... We here in Section 25 have decided to use our unique position to provide you, our faithful reader with something you can't find anywhere else; exclusive, personal interviews with coaches and players. Not only will these interviews be informative, interesting, and exclusive, but they will also be complete figments of our imaginations. So without further ado, here is the first in a series of Imaginary Interviews.

SECTION 25: Hi, and welcome to the first Imaginary Interview. Please, introduce yourself to our audience.

MARIO FANNIN: It's-a me! Mario!!

S25: Haha! Classic, classic. We knew you were a great football player, but I had no idea you had such a great sense of humor.

MF: Ho ho!

S25: Fantastic. So tell us Mario, how has your summer been?

MF: It's-a been-a good. We've-a been spendin a lotta time in-a the weight room. I feel like-a its-a been really productive.

S25: Umm, right. So tell us some about your workout routine. I expect it's a grueling schedule.

MF: It can-a be difficult. I like-a to run in-a the morning. I get outta my apartament, and I like-a to run on-a campus through the "Chilled-a Water Plant" on-a Duncan Drive. You know, right-a by the stadium!

S25: Wait, is that the one with all those big green pipes inside?

MF: Yes! You see, what I like-a to do is...

S25: Ok, I think I see where this is going. Moving on. Tell us what you think of new RB coach Curtis Luper.

MF: I really like-a him. He knows-a how to explain things to me. Like-a for example, he-a tells me to picture a giant-a turtle-like creature who has kidnapped-a my girlfriend standing in-a the endzone, and that-a really helps me to visualize-a my goal.

S25: Ok, Mario, you realize that just because your name is Mario doesn't make you the video game character, right? You're not even Italian.

MF: A-beep a de bop a de!

S25: What does that even mean?





MF: Oh look-a outta the window! A mushroom!

S25: Huh?

MF: [running out the door, presumably after a mushroom] I'm-a comin-a Peach!

S25: Well... uh... that was certainly an interesting first installment of Imaginary Interviews. Join us next time when our guest will be Defensive End Antonio Coleman.

Something Interesting... AND Football Relevant!

So I've stumbled across some interesting information. I was at home for Dad's day the other weekend and in some down time I picked up one of our books regarding the 2004 football season. It took every game, includes a couple of articles from Inside the Auburn Tigers Magazine, and a number of pictures. It also included stats from every game. After about halfway through the season, I realized a surprising trend. Now it may be old news to some, or unsurprising to others, but here is what I discovered.



LA. MONROE:

Rushing Yards: 194

Passing Yards: 186



MISSISSIPPI STATE:

Rushing Yards: 283

Passing Yards: 182



LSU:

Rushing Yards: 131

Passing Yards: 170



CITADEL:

Rushing Yards: 234

Passing Yards: 359



TENNESSEE:

Rushing Yards: 107

Passing Yards: 186



LA. TECH:

Rushing Yards: 198

Passing Yards: 274

ARKANSAS:

Rushing Yards:225

Passing Yards: 297

KENTUCKY:

Rushing Yards: 210

Passing Yards: 127

OLE MISS:

Rushing Yards: 205

Passing Yards: 234

GEORGIA:

Rushing Yards: 186

Passing Yards: 218

ALABAMA:

Rushing Yards: 74

Passing Yards: 224

TENNESSEE (SEC Championship Game):

Rushing Yards: 185

Passing Yards: 374

VA. TECH:

Rushing Yards: 110

Passing Yards: 189

SEASON TOTALS:

Rushing Yards: 2342

Passing Yards: 3020

I was really surprised to see how often we passed for more yards than we rushed. For whatever reason I remember the thunder and lightning combo of Brown and Cadillac more than I do Campbell's passing.

We talk a lot around here about the running game, and how Auburn isn't Auburn without a running game, and I certainly agree. I've always been a traditional, conservative type of guy with a three yards and a cloud of dust mentality. Heck, even playing NCAA on the Xbox machine I have to run the ball. People get annoyed that I can't rear back and heave the ball even in a video game, but in my mind, it's just not right. But this just goes to show that no matter how good your running game is, in this day and age, there is NO substitute for a talented, experienced quarterback who can throw the ball; cool under pressure, a decision maker. And Auburn is no exception.

We can, and I believe should build our offense around the running game. But the quarterback will make or break this team.

Back on the Plains

So I've been out of the loop and off the radar for about a week now. I've been in New York City for the first time for the past week or so. I've got to get reacquainted with what all's going on around here and then I'll post something really thought provoking and deep... or totally lame. I blog, you decide.

In the meantime, enjoy these pics of the city.

Numbers of the Day

Today's post on "Somewhere in Section 25" is brought to you by the numbers:

2: The number of Auburn's ranking in US News and World Report's ranking of the best cities to live in in the US. To tell the truth, I think we got jipped. Albuquerque? I've never really heard anything good about New Mexico, except that there's some mediocre skiing. As far as I knew the only thing of real importance that's happened in Albuquerque was that Bugs Bunny took a wrong turn there once or twice. Of course, that is an admittedly bold statement coming from someone in Alabama. And I never have been to Albuquerque, so my opinion isn't really that informed. Nonetheless, I happen to be of the totally unbiased opinion that Auburn is the greatest place in the world. Congrats to whomever congrats need to go to for this fantastic piece of positive publicity for The Loveliest Village (City Counsel? Mayor? Regardless, great work!).

And

200: The number of students allegedly involved in Textbookgate, according to Kevin Scarbinsky. Now, while the talk around the AU campus throughout this whole deal has been "oh wow, that's a huge deal" I'd like to remind anyone thinking that this is the Albert Means case again that it's not. Of those 200, the vast vast majority of the people involved did not realize they were breaking a rule, and of all the athletes involved, there are less football players involved than any other Bammer sports program. Not to mention the fact that a couple of textbooks probably aren't going to sway the minds of recruits as Bammer points out in their letter to the NCAA ("minimal if any competitive advantage"). I don't know of any recruit that's going to say, "Alright! If I go to Bama, I could make a few extra bucks on my books every semester," especially if the Escalade didn't convince them to go (ZING!).

That being said: TWO HUNDRED PEOPLE! WTF, BAMA? For a program that was supposed to be on lockdown--and I mean LOCKDOWN--that's a definite "Lack of Institutional Control" if I've ever heard it. The nature of the offense itself really wasn't that bad, but the fact that it was so widespread sure is, especially for an athletics program that's still on the probation period.

It was my belief that if Dad catches you with your hand in the cookie jar and whups you, you don't turn around and go back to the cookie jar two hundred more times. At least not while Dad is still standing in the kitchen, watching that jar of cookies right after he caught you.

That just seems a little thick. The smoke never really had cleared from the whole Albert Means thing, but it seems like the Bammer Administration just kinda let the whole textbook thing go. I'm just at a loss at the whole thing. Oh well, their pain is my entertainment.

Related To: Nothing

Just plain funny. I couldn't decide how to caption this. So I'm gonna go a few directions with it. All at the same time. Freak your mind.

Pooh Fail

"Hm, I guess the Bahr really wasn't a genius"

Bear Cub=Auburn ; Feeder=Tony Franklin

I like that last one. Despite all the pain that feeder caused us, we still haven't gotten it off our head.

I really am pleased with myself for that one. I'm treating myself to some Mama G's.

Full bear cub story for the incurably curious hyeah.

Prayers for Coach Quick

I found this on Beaver's blog this morning, and thought I'd pass it along. For those of you who don't know, Coach Richard Quick of the Auburn swim team was diagnosed at the end of last year with an inoperable brain tumor. This was released by Coach Quick's family yesterday:

We ask for your prayers of peace, comfort and safety. We are preparing to
take Richard home to Austin. He has yet to respond to treatment. We will leave
by ambulance Friday or Saturday and take him to Querencia, a skilled nursing
facility in Austin since he can't take his medicines orally anymore. We have
heavy hearts and rely on thr Lord to carry us on this part of our journey. May
we all find the peace that goes beyond understanding. "Peace I leave with you;
My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your
hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 May the Lord hear our cries
and fulfill the promise of John 14;27, Love June and Richard

Coach Quick coached at Auburn for the past two years, in addition to the four years he coached here from 1978-1982. He and Co-Head Coach Brett Hawke earned Coach of the Year honors this year after his Auburn team won him his record 13th National Championship.

Our prayers are with you, Coach. War Eagle.