NCAA to pass "Auburn Rule" Part II

The NCAA released a statement today regarding recruiting practices.* This new rule will affect Auburn in particular, and has been passed as an addendum to the so-called "Auburn Rule" that passed earlier this week. This is the new rule as reported by the NCAA:

No school shall knowingly allow any coaches to attend a high school during any
recruiting period wearing a backwards hat, or carrying a towel. In
addition, no coach will appear at any school under the influence of heavy drugs such as caffiene consumed in the form of large amounts of coffee.

In its press release, NCAA President Mark Emmert had this to say regarding the new rule: "The blatant disregard for proper hatwear that some universities has shown is unacceptable. The NCAA stands for certain things, and wearing a hat backwards is simply not representitive of those things. Also, everyone needs to know the proper use of towels, and waving them around is not one of them. The NCAA has hired a new spokesperson to promote proper towel usage: As far as the new drug rule is concerned, the NCAA has always taken a strong stance against drug use, and coffee is a very dangerous epidemic that threatens the integrity of our sport."

When reached for comment, Trooper Taylor, who is believed to be the basis for the first section of the new rule had this to say, "I was just trying to get my Ford Prefect on. I didn't think I was hurting anyone."

Gus Malzahn, offensive coordinator and noted supporter of NORCL (National Organization for the Reform of Coffee Laws) was unavailable for comment, but sources within Auburn's Athletic Department said that, upon hearing the new rule, he was heard to say, "SCREWTHISIVEALREADYWASTEDSEVENSECONDSONTHISCRAPTHATICOULDHAVESPENDGETTINGOURTEMPOFASTERWHERESMYPLAYBOOKIMGOINGTOMAKEANEWPLAYWHERETHEWATERBOYLINESUPATQUARTERBACKANDTHECENTERLINESUPASARUNNINGBACKANDI'MGOINGTOCALLITF*&%#YOUNCAA."

*Hooray for parody!

Chizik of Auburnia

Friday, April 16th, 2010:
T.E. (Tiger: Eugene) Chizik and Sharif Malzahn stand upon a precipice. Their small and unlikely band of warriors gathers behind them. Several weeks journey away, stands their quarry and the goal of their journey, Aqaba-scaloosa. With it's guns turned to the sea, they do not anticipate attack from the landward side. T.E. Chizik has concocted the perfect battleplan, but standing between them is a great desert. Some have said this desert can never be crossed. But Chizik of Auburnia is undeterred. All eyes look to him as they stand on the brink of glory.


Sharif Malzahn: There is the A-Day. And that is the summer. From here until we reach the other side, no football news but what we carry with us. For the fans, no football news at all. If the fans die, we die. And in four months they will start to die.

T.E. Chizik: There's no time to waste, then, is there?



(9:00)

The desert of summer is upon us. We turn back for no one. Good luck to you. And may God help us. God help us all.

Bloggers Note: F--- the summer.

Auburn Related Quote of the Day

Courtesy of my favorite non-Auburn blog, EDSBS.

"Ronnie Brown ran like he was paving a sidewalk and needed some concrete in the
form of your crushed bones. And he needed all of that urgently."